You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
