I can text with my tongue
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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