he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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