I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
