his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
