I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
