I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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