Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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