how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
