apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
