K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
