my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
...so i touched it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
