So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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