My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It was confusing and full of hummus
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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