Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
