How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
