Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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