okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
