I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
