smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
