I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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