Yo dont text me then not text me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
