You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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