Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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