my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
