covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Jerry, you need to find god
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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