im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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