i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
