READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
