is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
