I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
