don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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