see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
