i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
