The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
