After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
