I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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