I want to make a zoo with you.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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