we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he thought i was a dude.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
