you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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