Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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