I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
