at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
