I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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