please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
