Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
