Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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