For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
