remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
