Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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