nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
