explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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